Have you ever had anyone walk in on you while you're in an inconvenient situation such as in a bathtub? I once walked in on my sister taking a bath (she had been in there for an hour or two and I thought she had finished by then), but that was between family, which made it less shocking but more painful in experience. This, however, was not between family.
The guy in the white suit must have a slower reaction time than me, because he was still screaming (and he dropped those roses down onto the floor) when I leaped out of the tub and made for the exit in a speed that would have amazed an Olympic 100 m dash record holder. Since I didn't have any boxers on, I grabbed a towel on the way out. Not that I'm a very composed person, but it's the survival instincts (how, I'm not sure) that must have kicked in when the handsome young man in the white suit barged into my bathing session.
'STOP RIGHT THERE! INTRUDER!' I was bounding halfway down the main hall when the voice of presumably the handsome young man, initiated then, didn't stopped me in my tracks, but made me book it faster. I mean, if this happened to you, would you stop in your tracks like a good dog or abandon ship (or bath) like a thief caught with his hands in a man's pocket (no, that does not suggest I'm a thief)?
Just then, the sound of a firearm going off stopped me in my tracks. I looked back. The handsome young man, his face a mask of aftershock, confusion, and forced bravery, was holding a small revolver (the smallest I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot of them, one of my uncles, an Uncle Sam, owns a gun store).
I slowly wrapping the towel around my waist, and I said (like they do in the movies), 'Okay, let's take it easy-'
'I will not take it easy! I will certainly not take it in any ways easy! This is outrageous! I am deeply insulted!' He then let off a string of upper-class obscenities I consider too silly to mention here; that was how I found out he had to be upper-class.
'Okay, so take it the hard way but don't shoot!' I said. Don't think I wasn't panicking. I did not order this on a mix-up even if it's a million dollar hotel suite.
'I will not shoot, of course I will not shoot! I will hold this gun in this position until you explain yourself! Where is-' He slipped on the bath water now overfilling the tub and pouring over the rims, he went down and wet his suit, accompanied by another high-pitched scream. The gun thankfully did not go off.
I booked it again. This time, I made it out of the corridor, I was a hand's reach towards the glass paneled door that separates the dormitories from the living room where I can lock this white-suited guy in when a body mass of considerable force tackled me from behind and I was downed.
The body massed that downed me hard onto the tiles was, of course, the handsome young man, who had the courtesy to get off me and move back a step or two for me to catch my breath and face him.
'Do not fight me and lose, vile trespasser, I am trained in the arts of fighting in the highest mountains of Tibet, I have mastered the skill of ancient Kung Fu masters, I have eaten the fruit of hundred year old trees-'
'Wait, how does that relate to what you're saying?' I asked. How often do you meet a guy who talks to you about Kung Fu and food in the same list?
'What do you mean by how does what relate to what who's saying?' The young man said, puzzled.
'That last part with the fruit of hundred year old trees, you were talking-'
'Ah-ha! You are trying to distract me to get the upper hand, aren't you? I have warned you and I do not want to do it again! Do not fight me and lose, I am trained-' He would have rambled on if I hadn't stopped him short.
'Never mind, I give up.' I raised my hands in defeat, and we didn't even fight.
'That's clever, villain! Now I shall ask the questions and you shall answer them, I shall find out the truth! Don't try any tricks you devious highwayman, I am trained-'
'What's a highwayman?' I don't consider myself to possess a limited vocabulary, but I've never read Shakespeare.
'I WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!' He roared, and then he choked, and then he spat, and then he had a spasm as I waited patiently, and finally he recollected himself, 'Now, where was I?'
No comments:
Post a Comment